English Skill : Communication
How to speak so that people want to listen?
Intermediate level / CECR : B1
1st Part
Video & Vocabulary
2nd Part
Understanding
3rd Part
Grammar
English skills
Communication
- Skills : Improve your communication and speaking skills. Identify mistakes and behavior to adopt and make people more open to listen.
- Niveau : B1
- Topic : Communication
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Transcription
Translation
| The human voice: It’s the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound in the world, probably. It’s the only one that can start a war or say “I love you.” And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people don’t listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world? What I’d like to suggest, there are a number of habits that we need to move away from. I’ve assembled for your pleasure here seven deadly sins of speaking. I’m not pretending this is an exhaustive list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large habits that we can all fall into. First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who’s not present. Not a nice habit, and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes later, will be gossiping about us. Second, judging. We know people who are like this in conversation, and it’s very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you’re being judged and found wanting at the same time. Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it’s hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, “It’s October 1 today,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dreadful?” It’s hard to listen when somebody’s that negative. And another form of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It’s our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport, about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It’s not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world. Excuses. We’ve all met this guy. Maybe we’ve all been this guy. Some people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody who is being like that. Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something that really is awesome, what do I call it? And then, of course, this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don’t want to listen to people we know are lying to us. And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you’re listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true. It’s difficult to listen to that. So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about this? Yes, there is. I’d like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is “hail,” and it has a great definition as well. I’m not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I’m talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think our words will be received if we stand on these four things. So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The A is authenticity, just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don’t mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that’s not necessary. Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you’re really wishing somebody well, it’s very hard to judge them at the same time. I’m not even sure you can do those two things simultaneously. So hail. Also, now that’s what you say, and it’s like the old song, it is what you say, it’s also the way that you say it. You have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. I’d like to have a little rummage in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play with, which will increase the power of your speaking. Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not be very useful most of the time, but there’s a register in between. I’m not going to get very technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose, you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices, it’s true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That’s register. Then we have timbre. It’s the way your voice feels. Again, the research shows that we prefer voices which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that’s not you, that’s not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with posture, and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice. Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It’s root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are really quite hard to listen to if they don’t have any prosody at all. That’s where the word “monotonic” comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have repetitive prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends as if it were a question when it’s actually not a question, it’s a statement? And if you repeat that one, it’s actually restricting your ability to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let’s try and break that habit. Pace. I can get very excited by saying something really quickly, or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course, is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? We don’t have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful. Of course, pitch often goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but you can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning in those two deliveries. And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited by using volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That’s called sodcasting, Imposing your sound on people around you carelessly and inconsiderately. Not nice. Of course, where this all comes into play most of all is when you’ve got something really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it’s really important, you owe it to yourself to look at this toolbox and the engine that it’s going to work on, and no engine works well without being warmed up. Warm up your voice. Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand up for a moment? I’m going to show you the six vocal warm-up exercises that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you’re going to talk to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep breath in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we’re going to warm up our lips, and we’re going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips should be coming alive. We’re going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You’re getting really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That’s like champagne for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It’s really good. It starts with “we” and goes to “aw.” The “we” is high, the “aw” is low. So you go, weeeaawww, weeeaawww. Fantastic. Give yourselves a round of applause. Take a seat, thank you. Next time you speak, do those in advance. Now let me just put this in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren’t listening in an environment that’s all about noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading. Thank you. |
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| The human voice: It’s the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound in the world, probably. It’s the only one that can start a war or say “I love you.” And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people don’t listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world? What I’d like to suggest, there are a number of habits that we need to move away from. I’ve assembled for your pleasure here seven deadly sins of speaking. I’m not pretending this is an exhaustive list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large habits that we can all fall into. First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who’s not present. Not a nice habit, and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes later, will be gossiping about us. Second, judging. We know people who are like this in conversation, and it’s very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you’re being judged and found wanting at the same time. Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it’s hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, “It’s October 1 today,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dreadful?” It’s hard to listen when somebody’s that negative. And another form of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It’s our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport, about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It’s not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world. Excuses. We’ve all met this guy. Maybe we’ve all been this guy. Some people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody who is being like that. Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something that really is awesome, what do I call it? And then, of course, this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don’t want to listen to people we know are lying to us. And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you’re listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true. It’s difficult to listen to that. So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about this? Yes, there is. I’d like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is “hail,” and it has a great definition as well. I’m not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I’m talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think our words will be received if we stand on these four things. So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The A is authenticity, just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don’t mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that’s not necessary. Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you’re really wishing somebody well, it’s very hard to judge them at the same time. I’m not even sure you can do those two things simultaneously. So hail. Also, now that’s what you say, and it’s like the old song, it is what you say, it’s also the way that you say it. You have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. I’d like to have a little rummage in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play with, which will increase the power of your speaking. Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not be very useful most of the time, but there’s a register in between. I’m not going to get very technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose, you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices, it’s true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That’s register. Then we have timbre. It’s the way your voice feels. Again, the research shows that we prefer voices which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that’s not you, that’s not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with posture, and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice. Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It’s root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are really quite hard to listen to if they don’t have any prosody at all. That’s where the word “monotonic” comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have repetitive prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends as if it were a question when it’s actually not a question, it’s a statement? And if you repeat that one, it’s actually restricting your ability to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let’s try and break that habit. Pace. I can get very excited by saying something really quickly, or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course, is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? We don’t have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful. Of course, pitch often goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but you can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning in those two deliveries. And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited by using volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That’s called sodcasting, Imposing your sound on people around you carelessly and inconsiderately. Not nice. Of course, where this all comes into play most of all is when you’ve got something really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it’s really important, you owe it to yourself to look at this toolbox and the engine that it’s going to work on, and no engine works well without being warmed up. Warm up your voice. Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand up for a moment? I’m going to show you the six vocal warm-up exercises that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you’re going to talk to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep breath in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we’re going to warm up our lips, and we’re going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips should be coming alive. We’re going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You’re getting really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That’s like champagne for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It’s really good. It starts with “we” and goes to “aw.” The “we” is high, the “aw” is low. So you go, weeeaawww, weeeaawww. Fantastic. Give yourselves a round of applause. Take a seat, thank you. Next time you speak, do those in advance. Now let me just put this in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren’t listening in an environment that’s all about noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading. Thank you. | La voix humaine: C’est l’instrument dont nous jouons tous. C’est probablement le son le plus puissant au monde. Le seul qui peut déclencher une guerre ou dire « je t’aime ». Pourtant, beaucoup de gens savent que quand ils parlent, les gens ne les écoutent pas. Pourquoi ? Comment pouvons-nous parler de manière puissante pour changer le monde ? J’aimerais proposer que nous devons perdre plusieurs habitudes. J’ai rassemblé pour votre plaisir les sept péchés capitaux de la parole. Je ne prétends pas que ce soit une liste exhaustive, mais, ces sept-là, je pense, sont des habitudes plutôt importantes que l’on peut tous adopter. Premièrement, les commérages, dire du mal de quelqu’un qui n’est pas présent. Ce n’est pas bien, et nous savons parfaitement que la personne qui fait ces commérages en fera sur nous cinq minutes plus tard. Deuxièmement, le jugement. Nous connaissons des gens qui en portent dans la conversation, et c’est très dur d’écouter quelqu’un si on sait qu’on est jugé et qu’en même temps, on ne vous trouve pas à la hauteur. Troisièmement, la négativité. On peut en faire une habitude. Ma mère, vers la fin de sa vie, est devenue très négative, et c’est dur à entendre. Un jour, je lui ai dit, « Aujourd’hui, c’est le 1 octobre. », et elle m’a dit, « Je sais, c’est épouvantable, non ? » C’est difficile d’écouter quand quelqu’un est si négatif. Une autre forme de négativité, le fait de se plaindre. C’est l’art national du Royaume-Uni. Notre sport national. On se plaint de la météo, du sport, de la politique, du tout, mais se plaindre, c’est un malheur viral. Ça ne propage ni du bonheur ni de la clarté dans le monde. Les excuses. Nous avons tous rencontré ce type. Peut-être que c’était nous. Certaines personnes ont un ‘lance-blâme.’ Ils le passent aux autres et n’assument pas leurs actions. Là encore, difficile d’écouter quelqu’un comme ça. Avant-dernière, le sixième des sept, la broderie, l’exagération. En réalité, ça rabaisse notre langue parfois. Si je vois quelque chose qui est tellement génial, comment je l’appelle? Et puis, cette exagération devient mensonge, et nous ne voulons plus écouter des personnes qui nous mentent de manière flagrante. Et finalement, le dogmatisme, la confusion des faits avec les opinions. Quand ces deux choses se combinent, vous écoutez le vent. Quelqu’un vous bombarde de ses opinions comme si elles étaient vraies. C’est difficile à écouter. Et voilà, les sept péchés capitaux de la parole. Voilà ce que nous devons éviter, selon moi. Mais est-ce qu’il y a un moyen positif d’y réfléchir ? Oui. J’aimerais suggérer qu’il y a quatre pierres angulaires très puissantes, des fondations sur lesquelles on peut s’appuyer si l’on veut que notre discours soit puissant et change le monde. Heureusement, ces choses épellent un mot. Le mot est « HAIL » et il a une définition superbe aussi. Je ne parle pas de la grêle qui tombe du ciel sur votre tête Je parle de cette définition : saluer ou acclamer avec enthousiasme, et c’est comme ça que nos mots seront reçus si nous nous appuyons sur ces quatre principes. Alors, de quoi HAIL est-il l’acronyme ? Voyons si vous pouvez le devinez. H comme honnêteté, bien sûr, parler avec sincérité, être direct et clair. A comme authenticité, le fait d’être vous-même. Un de mes amis la décrivait comme le fait de se tenir dans sa propre vérité, je trouve cette description charmante. I comme intégrité, être ce que vous dites faire ce que vous dites, et être quelqu’un à qui on peut faire confiance. Et L comme love, l’amour. Je ne parle pas de l’amour romantique, mais de vouloir le bien des autres, pour deux raisons. Premièrement, je pense que l’honnêteté absolue n’est pas souhaitable. Mon Dieu, comme tu es laid ce matin. Peut-être que ce n’est pas nécessaire. Modérée par l’amour, l’honnêteté est une chose magnifique. Mais aussi, si vous voulez vraiment le bien de quelqu’un, il est très difficile de les juger en même temps. Je ne suis même pas sûr qu’on puisse faire les deux simultanément. Ce qui donne « hail ». Ce que vous dites et comme dans la chanson, c’est ce que vous dites mais aussi c’est comment vous le dites. Vous avez une boîte à outils géniale. Cet instrument est incroyable, et pourtant très peu de gens ont déjà ouvert cette boîte à outils. J’aimerais bien fouiller là-dedans avec vous maintenant pour en sortir quelques outils que vous pourriez emporter pour jouer avec et qui vont augmenter la puissance de votre parole. Le registre, par exemple. Parler d’une voix de fausset n’est pas très utile la plupart du temps, mais il existe un registre intermédiaire. Je ne rentrerai pas dans les détails techniques pour les coachs vocaux parmi vous. Mais vous pouvez localiser votre voix. Si je parle du nez, vous entendez la différence. Si je parle de la gorge, d’où parle la plupart de gens la plupart du temps. Mais si vous voulez avoir du poids, vous devez descendre la voix dans la poitrine. Vous entendez la différence ? Nous votons pour les politiciens qui ont des voix graves, c’est vrai, parce que nous associons cette gravité avec la puissance et avec l’autorité. C’est ça, le registre. Puis nous avons le timbre. C’est la sensation que donne votre voix. La recherche montre que nous préférons les voix qui sont riches, douces, chaudes, comme le chocolat chaud. Si vous n’avez pas cette voix, ce n’est pas la fin du monde, vous pouvez apprendre. Trouvez un coach vocal. Vous pouvez accomplir beaucoup avec la respiration, la posture, et les exercices pour améliorer le timbre de votre voix. Puis, la prosodie. Je l’adore. C’est la voix chantante, le méta-langage que nous utilisons pour exprimer le sens. C’est la première source de sens dans une conversation. Les personnes qui parlent sur une seule note sont assez difficile à écouter s’ils ne possèdent pas la prosodie. C’est de là que vient le mot monotone, ou monocorde. Nous avons aussi la prosodie répétitive qui commence maintenant, où chaque phrase se termine comme si c’était une question, quand en réalité, c’est une déclaration. Et si vous parlez ainsi, ça limite votre capacité à communiquer à travers la prosodie et je trouve ça dommage, alors essayons de nous débarrasser de cette habitude. La cadence. Je peux devenir enthousiaste quand je parle vite, très vite, ou je peux ralentir radicalement pour souligner. Et à la fin, bien sûr, c’est notre vieil ami, le silence. Il n’y a aucun problème avec le silence dans un discours, n’est-ce pas ? Pas besoin de le remplir de ‘heu’ et de ‘eh bien’. Il peut être très puissant. Le ton accompagne souvent la cadence pour indiquer l’excitation, mais on peut l’utiliser seul. Où as-tu laissé mes clés ? Où as-tu laissé mes clés ? Le sens est un peu différent dans ces deux débits. Et finalement, le volume. Je suis très enthousiaste quand je parle fort. Désolé si j’ai fait sursauté quelqu’un. Sinon, je peux vraiment attirer votre attention en parlant très doucement. Certaines personnes diffusent en permanence. Essayez de ne pas le faire . Ça s’appelle la ‘con-diffusion,’ quand vous imposez votre son aux autres avec sans-gêne, ce n’est pas sympa. Bien sûr, ça joue un rôle surtout quand vous avez quelque chose d’important à faire. Peut-être vous tenir sur scène pour parler aux gens. Demander quelqu’un en mariage, demander une augmentation, prononcer un discours lors d’une noce. Quoi que ce soit, s’il est important, vous vous devez de regarder cette boîte à outils ainsi que le moteur sur laquelle elle va marcher, et aucun moteur ne marche sans préchauffage. Réchauffez votre voix. Laissez-moi vous montrer comment. Est-ce que vous pourriez vous lever un instant ? Exercices d’échauffement vocal. Je vais vous montrer les six exercices vocaux pour s’échauffer que je pratique avant chaque conférence que je donne. Si vous devez parlez à quelqu’un d’important, faites-les. Premièrement, les bras levés, inspirez profondément, et expirez, ahhhh, comme ça. Encore une fois. Ahhhhh, très bien. Ensuite, nous échauffons nos lèvres, nous allons dire ba, ba, ba, ba ba, ba, ba, ba. Très bien. Et maintenant, brrrrrrrrrr, comme quand vous étiez enfant. Maintenant vos lèvres commencent à prendre vie. Puis, nous échauffons la langue par exagérant la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Superbe. Vous devenez vraiment bon. Et puis, roulez un R. Rrrrrrr. C’est comme le champagne pour la langue. Finalement, si je ne peux en faire qu’un seul, les pros l’appellent la sirène, il est vraiment bien. Ça commence avec « oui » et passe progressivement à « o ». « Oui » est haut, et « o » est bas. Vous voyez, oui-ooo, oui-ooo. Fantastique. Applaudissez-vous. Asseyez-vous, merci. La prochaine fois que vous parlez, pratiquez à l’avance. Pour finir, permettez-moi de remettre ça en contexte. Ce point ici est sérieux. Aujourd’hui, nous sommes ici, non ? Nous ne parlons pas très bien à des gens qui n’écoutent tout simplement pas dans un environnement qui n’est que bruit et mauvaise acoustique. J’en ai déjà parlé sur cette scène dans des phases différentes. Comment serait le monde si nous parlions puissamment à des gens qui nous écoutaient consciemment dans des environnements vraiment adéquats ? Ou, pour élaborer, comment serait le monde si on créait le son consciemment, si on le consommait consciemment et qu’on concevait tous nos environnements consciemment pour le son ? Ce serait un beau monde avec un beau son, et un monde où la compréhension serait la norme, et ça, c’est une idée à partager. Merci. |
